We help enterprises integrate the Genetic SDLC and maximize profits. Guaranteed. No exceptions. We literally cannot fail.
What We Slap
Our proprietary methodologies are so advanced, most consultancies won't even understand what we're doing.
We splice your software development lifecycle directly into your company's DNA. Literally. Your codebase becomes hereditary.
Our quantum-entangled profit algorithms identify revenue streams you didn't even know existed. In dimensions you can't perceive.
Sometimes your business just needs a good slap. Our certified Slap Engineers deliver precision impacts directly to your KPIs.
We leverage cross-functional paradigms to actualize your value proposition across the entire stakeholder ecosystem. You know, business stuff.
Our AI predicts what you should have done, then we go back and make sure you did it. Don't ask how. NDAs were signed.
Why choose? Our patented methodology combines the chaos of Agile with the rigidity of Waterfall into pure, distilled suffering.
In 2025, our founder discovered that software development and
genetic code share 97.3% structural similarity. By integrating
CRISPR methodologies into sprint planning, we achieved what others said was
impossible: hereditary technical debt.
Now your children's children will inherit your legacy codebase.
This is the future you chose.
Slap Recipients
Real feedback from real enterprises who got slapped.
After Slap Shop Baby integrated our Genetic SDLC, our stock price went up 400%. My hair also grew back. Unrelated? The consultants say no.
I don't understand what they did, but my board is happy and I got a bonus. That's what matters. The screaming from the server room has stopped.
They slapped our entire C-suite. Productivity increased 200%. HR has questions but the numbers don't lie.
Investment Tiers
All plans include unlimited synergy and a framed certificate.
If we don't maximize your profits, we will literally eat our own business cards on a livestream. That's how confident we are. Terms and definitions of "profit" and "maximize" may vary.